Gift of Fatherhood

If there is something call modern mothers/mom I think there should be something call the modern father/dad. Modern mothers are those mothers who balance their working, social, parenting and everything else a mother does. Modern mothers are no longer confine to only the kitchen or home. They are the ones who try to do everything and on top of that maintain their good looks, style and fashion.

I mean take a look at a lot of celebrety mothers. There are one example of a modern mothers. Or some of the nice women CEO of our times. Modern mothers are the in thing these days.

But what about Modern Fathers is there such a thing?

Well, I guess there is. Because I think I am one of them… Fathers used to be the one or sole bread whinner of the family. They work hard in the day and come home at night for dinner and the dicipline pillar of the family. But some of these roles have been taken over by the modern mothers. Hardworking, these modern mothers contributes to almost half the household income.

So what are these traditional fathers going to do… Well, they have to start taking on their fair share of the load of the traditional mothers. Cooking, cleaning, parenting, picking up and sending their children to school. Shopping, and almost everything a traditional mother use to do except giving birth. Ultimately when we start doing all these, we become modern father.

That is what I have been doing. While I haven’t bare most of a mothers responsiblilty, I do feel that I am doing some parts of it. Cleaning, washing, ironing, reading, shopping, feeding…. on top of that, I have to balance my work, social life…

Not easy… Being a modern father, I think I can understand what being a modern mother is all about…

Would going back to being the normal traditional family where the mother cook and clean while the father works and bring back to dough make life any easier??

Hmmmm…………..

A few days ago my colleague graduated into Fatherhood. I could not but feel happy for him and also reminisce about the day my own daughter came into this world.

Every father can never forget the great feeling of joy and happiness holding their first child in their hands. The feeling of great pride and happiness.

Oh and don’t forget the mother… Great job….

Congratulations Oliver and Shree… That is a very beautiful bundle of joy…

Me and my wife has decided to stop my daughter from going to Shichida Method.

One of the reasons we feel that is because we weren’t ready. Yes, it is more we are not ready rather than my daughter. While some people might say that we are not giving our children an oppurtunity to learn and grow with the best child enrichment program so far, I would beg to defer.

You see, you can can send a child to all the child enrichment programs that ever existed here but without the parents involvements, it only accounts to only 20% of how the child would develop.

I know of children who don’t even need to attend all these child enrichment programs at the very young age and they manage to come out top, they are more intelligent and they can adapt to their surroundings very well.

So then, what is this child enrichment programs for?

I had put in a lot of though about it and I believe child enrichments programs are meant to an avenue to building a stronger family. And also for parents to learn more about parenting.

I came about this after much dicussion with my wife. We do not seem to have to time to help her with her Shichida activities, while Shichida does mention that these activities are a way of bonding, me and my family bond in so many ways, we play, laugh, watch TV together, talk and even help her with her pre-school work and reading.

We could not find the time to help her with her Shichida daily activities, like image play, sensory perception or games, etc etc.

Both me and my wife are like most working parents who work from 9 to 5 or rather 9 to 8 which leaves us with so little time to bath, have dinner, chat and play. Let alone do most of these Shichida activites.

A lot of people can argue that we should or can spare 15 mins to do activities, but here is the point, we feel that it is a chore to do these activities rather than play time. We need to find time to prepare all the activities at home. As long as we feel that it is a chore or work to prepare some activities this itself defeats the purpose of enriching the child with activities.

Child enrichment are meant to be played and shared and to have fun between a child and the parents. And once that play time starts to become a chore, I think it would about time we stop doing it and do what comes naturally.

But I believe also that to enrich your child with experiences, courage, and wisdom to be great, intelligent and talented. Parents must also enrich themselves with experiences, courage and wisdom.

It is the only way… that is what I saw in parents who do not send their children to all these programs and yet you could see how great, intelligent and talented their children is.

If we as parents are rich with experiences, courage and wisdom, then our children would definately immulate these qualities.

If we don’t have then we need to start enriching ourselves. These child enrichment programs would then be a great way to not only help enrich our children but also we ourselves

Toys are great, it is a wonderful thing that helps build creativity, imagination, motor skills and a whole lots more. When we pass the toy store, my daughter would always point to a toy and says that she wants it. She wants to play with it. Either she is curious or just want to scratch that itch to play something new I don’t really know.

Since I am a believer in toys helps a child grow, I never hold back on buying her toys to play with.

But at times, I do hold back because either she has a similar toy or I feel that that toy is of inferior quality and would wait to get her a better one.

My parent sometimes says that I spoil my daughter because most of the time I always buy her toys and she would just play with the toys for a while and then chucks it away when we buy her a new one.

Hey…. Isn’t that how we are now?

We buy a new stuff in the house and we would play with it for while. After a while when we go out and buy a new stuff, we would leave the old stuff somewhere in the deepest darkest part of our store…

So I guess I am spoiled too…..

The point is that, I believe a particular toy is great but once it has leave out it’s usefulness it becomes junk.

In my daughter’s case, she plays with it until she can’t find any other way to play with it. Her attention would obviously go to another toy or rather another activity that would engage her creativity.

But I feel in order for the toy to live out it’s usefulness to the max, the parents too must learn to play that with the kid.

I guess that is what I must try to do as often as I can…

I was reading this article by Paul Graham ‘Lies We Tell Kids‘ It is a great read. And I believe all parents should read it.

I can almost relate to almost half of what this author has written. It is so true that I think I would lie to myself just to give myself a peace of mind that I am doing the best that I can as a father. Yes, I lie to my daughter most of the time, either because

1. I want to pacify her annoying curiosity,

2. Get her to do something,

3. Simply do not think she will understand,

4. I don’t know how to explain it in a simple form.

But I guess as my daughter gets older, this list will expand because this article relates to kids that are 5 years and above.

As they begin to learn and wonder from their surroundings their curiosity will ultimately grow. And somehow or rather I will need to prepare myself with the answer.

Even now, take point one for example, ‘I want to pacify her annoying curiosity’ the curiosity itself is not annoying, it is more the timing she choose to ask me about her curiosity.

I know it is bad, a lie just to pacify her so that I can get on with what I am currently doing. I think this should not happen. Parenting is not only about teaching our kids, but I believe it is also a true reflection of what we are.

I know I should take time to explain to her all question and curiosity raise by my daughter. That is the part where I believe I need to put more emphasis on. To lie to her because I want to protect her for the time being I believe is alright. But to lie to her because I want to get it ‘over with’ so that I can continue my current chores, is well…. Not right.

As time goes by, all the lies we have told our kids will be apparent in not only their lives but also the parents. And when that time comes, it is time to sit down and start to undo the lies that we have told them and tell them the truth.

I do not think that we should underestimate our children, when the time is right, the situation will present itself, and that is the time when parents must have the courage to correct all lies told.

Yes, it has been a while since I last updated my site. Life has been good but hard. Why do I say that, because as a father, I try my best to build a good foundation for my family.

Ok… let see over the past few months what sort of foundation am I building.

For one, me and my wife have been trying to get a second child. Some say it is easy, some say it is not. Over the past few months I have been swarm with work that I did not put time and effort into doing the limbo rock…

So it took me quite a while to put my mind and effort into it. Playing sports twice a week to get my stress level down. Finishing up my work and leave the work at work rather than taking it home. Taking some make shift ‘viagra’ pills…. hehe ok maybe it was more ginseng pills.

Man this combination is the works man. My sex life like went up like…. ‘This HIGH’. So we have been trying every month and sometimes in between we do some warm up. Alright… I shall stop it there. Yes, I have been pre-occupied with this.

That is not all, my daughter is has grown…. She is no longer the baby I can carry effortlessly. She is very much more active and more curious these days.

She is beginning to learn more and start to ask more questions and of course she now wants more attention. It’s only normal and all I can do is give my time for her as much as my 24 hours a day allows. Most of the time is playing with her. My wife also do get into the playing mode with her and she has more time with my daughter than I do. Lucky her…

Which brings me to another thing that I hope would be one of a good foundation block and as always it’s the financial part. I have been working not only with my day job but also my other activities which I hope to supplement my income to welcome my next child. I also do hope to be able to build this foundation strong enough for me and my wife to have more time with our family.

While it is not straightforward and easy, it is not impossible. Thus, getting my priority and balancing the 24 hours time that I have a day is what makes it hard but it is very good in the sense that I have a very clear direction which I am moving forward day by day.

Last weekend was a very stressful. While having dinner with my in laws at a restaurant near my place, my daughter fell down and bump the back of a head on something sharp and to our horror, there was deep cut slightly less than an inch. My daughter was crying in pain, and blood was dripping from my daughters head. We tried to put pressure on the back of the head to stop it from bleeding, and we had to endure my daughter’s ever increasing crying. We had to rush to the hospital.

Upon reaching the hospital, the doctor said that our daughter requires about 3 to 4 stitches because the opening of the cut was deep and wide and there could be a possibility that it could get infected. Now my daughter was still crying and I requested the doctor to see if there was anything that would help my daughter calm herself down before proceeding with the stitching. While the bleeding has stopped the pain had not.

After the doctor gave my daughter something to calm her down, she had to be wrapped in a strainer to hold my daughter down. She was crying for help and struggling to free herself because she felt very uncomfortable.

We knew that my daughter needs to be restrained to keep her from moving too much while the doctor tries to perform the mini surgery. We were helpless and my wife was trying very hard to hold back her tears. She was more upset at the fact that she could not even hold my daughter to reassure her that everything would be alright.

Even after local anesthetic was administered, my daughter was still asking for help from my wife. The doctor quickly tries to stitch up the cut as fast as she could. While both me and my wife reassured my daughter that everything would be alright.

At that point, I could not stop thinking about the anxiety and both my wife and my daughter is feeling. While I was worried for my daughter I could not understand why I am not as uptight or upset like my wife and daughter were.

All that was going through my mind was that everything is alright. It really hit me that I was not feeling the way that my wife was feeling. Why?

Am I not also concern for my daughter? I may not be the one who gave birth to my daughter, but I believe I had the same love for her as my wife would have. But why didn’t I feel the same way my wife did.

Should I feel the same way or was I supposed to have a different role in that situation?

I understand that a mother would do anything to console her child. This agony I believe is magnified 10 times by both my wife and my daughter. After the doctor had stitched the gash up and release the strainer, both my daughter and wife quickly embrace each other like they have been reunited after a long while. I could see some calmness in their eyes and their body language.

I was relieved that the ordeal was over, I hugged them both and somehow I could feel that they were calmer and they were suddenly smiling.

I was still thinking about what had happened and I know I should not try to understand the situation and just be grateful that nothing serious happened to my daughter. The thought still bugged me.

Probably it was a new experience for me. I have never gone through an ordeal of an emergency situation before especially an emergency that involves my family, thus I could not know how or what to feel. I would assume that my instinct would kick in automatically.

But my instinct just told me to be calm. And that is either reassuring or something is just not right.

I read somewhere that a father is suppose to be the pillar of strength and support to his family and maybe that is what I believe it is all about, to be calm when everything else in the family is in state of chaos.

While I do not think I will be able to understand the empathy a mother has for their child. But I believe I can understand what a father needs to be in a time of duress.

My daughter is now alright and she is as she was, playful and happy as thought the incident had never happened. The doctor says that we should not worry about it because our daughter did not faint or vomit when she had a bump on her head.

But to be sure, we need to take her back for two more visits; one to see how the wound is healing and the second time is to remove the stitches. At that time I do hope that my daughter will have the courage to brave through that.

3 years old and he can finger paint so well. All I can say it Wow!!